Family Fun

The holidays are the stereotypical stressor for families, each family with their own unique problems.  This year, I am faced with the wonderful dilemma of merging families, and that's not sarcastic.  I really think it is a wonderful problem to have.  Because I love somebody, I get to start thinking about what it means to be a part of his family and what it means for him to be a part of mine.  I am also gaining a lot of insight about family and about conflict in general, which is not to say that I have been acting or feeling like I am conducting a case study but simply that I have been realizing how easily one can pick up on subtle details when watching a family that is not their own.  A family is something that seems static to everyone on the inside.  Family is the first community one typically knows and the one that is usually, for the first bit of life, difficult to escape from.  Our families, however quirky or embarrassing or unhealthy, are the groups to which we didn't have a choice but to belong.  Within our families are the things we have just become used to, the things we have always known.

If there is one piece of advice I would wish to give to every family, it is that you are not a random group of people doomed to spend your days attempting to deal with each other.  You are a team.  Fight for each other.  Make the relationships between you and the other members of your family a high priority.  Reconcile after conflict.  Vocalize things you appreciate about each other.  Some families are big enough to make up a baseball team, others a volleyball team, some only a tennis team.  The Duggars could have their own football team!  But think about those teams.  How effective would a sports team be if they undermined each other, criticized each other, rolled their eyes at every direction from the coach?  Would a winning team be full of players who individually want to come across as the star, the MVP?  Would a winning team ever be ashamed, off the field, to be players on that team?

Players on a team:

• look out for one another
• share the number one goal of winning together
• set aside their personal interests for the good of the team
• discuss strategies
• go over plays
• spend time together
• become more than just teammates

Family is a subset of what is, in my mind, one of the most important things: community.  I also believe that family can be the most difficult community to fight for.  Since family is the sole group we belong for so long, the people we can't escape when we're young, the place we are forced to spend most of our time for the first chunk of our lives, family is also the place where we are hurt first and worst.  

I hurt for hurting families.  I hurt in my family sometimes.  I hurt for families all over who act as if they are on opposing teams.  

But I also think that learning to love one's family is sometimes more Christ-like than loving a stranger.  Outside of my family, I can avoid difficult people.  Outside of my family, people are friends if I want them to be.  However, for some families, Love your enemies means love those people across the dinner table from you.  Love those people who sleep in the next room.  Love those people who come to town for the holidays.  We get a choice to love the people in the friend category, but we were never given a choice about those in the family category.  

So, who knows for what reason, you were put on a certain team and called a family.  How can you be like Jesus to those people?  How can you begin to restore community in your family?  How can you make family mean more than stressful holidays?  

Happy holidays.  Play ball!