Gains and Losses

Today was technically day 17.  I can't tell you exactly how many days I made it to the gym and how many days I chose the extra hour of sleep over discipline of healthy habits... I can tell you, though, that I feel happier and healthier for even succeeding some of the time.

First of all, I don't feel like a failure when I don't wake up.  Today, I was mad that I missed my favorite Zumba teacher doing the 6am class at my gym because I snoozed my alarm.  I gave myself a minor scolding when I woke up 45 minutes later at 6:30... But even getting out of bed at 6:30 is an improvement.  I had time to sit down at the table for breakfast, read a chapter of my book, finish some homework, and make my lunch.

Second of all, I feel in a better place for just having been at the gym at least 3 times a week for the last two weeks.  My gym isn't calling me anymore making sure I'm okay.  I feel physically healthier.  I feel emotionally healthier.  I feel more comfortable in my body because I am working to take care of it.  I feel like I am fitting into my clothes better.  I bought size 9 jeans for the first time since my freshman year in high school.  And I know that no one else probably notices yet, and it very well might be all in my head, but I am happier with what I see when I look in the mirror.

So, in the past 17 days, I have found sure victory some of the time, but what's even better is that I have not found defeat the rest of the time.

I was at a retreat a couple of years ago during which a life coach taught us about life goals.  One of the central beliefs to his line of work was that it is always better to have goals than to not.  I disagreed with him then, and I disagree with him now.  Simply having goals always made me feel discouraged.  I made New Year's Resolutions that I gave up on long before February.  I set goals for each new semester in college... but they always happened to be the same goals every semester since I continually failed to accomplish them.  I set daily goals of eating better and making it to the gym and then felt terrible about myself at the end of the day when instead of going to the gym, I got the large meal at Chick-fil-A.

No, just having goals doesn't leave me better off.  Working towards goals is always better than not.  Any size step toward that goal is valuable.  The days that I don't wake up in time to work out, I still manage to get out of bed at a decent time and not force myself to rush out the door.  When I hit snooze one day, I don't give up the next.  I keep walking in the direction of health.