Fast forward to the next Tuesday, when I was paid for a babysitting job. I was still excited when I realized that 10% of this, too, would be used for God's kingdom. At the end of that week, another pay day came and went, and I gave. Still cheerful, yes, but to be honest my reaction at this point was more like, "Oh yeah. Giving."
Just yesterday, upon the end of the semester, I sold back all the books I've aqcuired since my first year in college. There were probably 20-30 of them. The University didn't pay me very generously for my books, but I was excited for the extra money. I'm not sure where my excitement for giving went, but I my first thoughts were, "Saving! Spending! Yay!"
I want my first reaction to be giving, I really do. But today, when I found too more books to sell, my first thought was, "Oh, dang. I'm gonna have to give again." Back to obligation.
I feel guilty about this, but I will admit... I was feeling like, "Haven't I given enough? Can't I be done yet?" I don't know where this thought came from besides my selfish, human nature, but I am thankful for the thought that quickly followed:
"When has God stopped at enough?"
Truth came rushing in at that point and put my attitude back in check. I thought of all God has provided for me. When I think about it, I have never been in need, not once. I thought of all the blessings he has provided and the myriad of ways that he has gone above and beyond for me. He doesn't stop at mercy but freely gives grace. I thought of the sacrifice of Christ and of what God gave up for me to send his son to suffer.
I thought of Jesus' words in Matthew 27, of how many times Jesus has forgiven me. Seventy times seven: a phrase that in its time meant essentially endless, countless, innumerable. Jesus has forgiven me and blessed me seventy times seven times, an eternity worth.
I thought of the story Jesus tells after that, about God's math. In the story, which is a methaphor for God's forgiveness, the king forgives the servant's debt, which was more than a lifetime of the servant's wages. If he worked twice as hard and earned twice as much for the rest of his life, the servant wouldn't be able to pay back the king. But the king uses math that doesn't add up and forgives the servant's debt.
I am in debt to God more than I can ever pay back. And God has wiped that debt away from his records. And in the moment when my selfish heart was weary of giving, I was the servant who left the king's presence and wouldn't extend the same grace to his fellow servant. How can I be forgiven of an unpayable debt and remain unchanged and selfish?
I also thought of a Sunday school song about Ananias and Sapphira.
Ananias and Sapphira got together to conspire a plot! to cheat! the Lord and get ahead. They knew God's power...didn't fear it... tried to cheat the Holy Spirit... went into the temple and they BOTH DROPPED DEAD! Hey! God loves a cheerful giver, Give it all you got! He loves to hear you laughing When you're in a an awful spot... So when the odds are up against you And you cannot do a thing... Praise God! To praise Him is a glorious thing!
When I get selfish with my money and my things, I am trying "to cheat the Lord and get ahead", which really makes no sense at all. Why would I want to cheat God? Why would I want to keep the blessings he gives me all to myself? I am trying to get ahead, but what I am really doing is falling so far behind. In my attempt to get ahead, I miss the point entirely. I miss what God is doing, in my heart and in his kingdom. I allow the chain of God's blessings to end with me, and in doing so I sever the chain.
My money is not mine, and holding onto it with white knuckles will only cheat me in the end. God blesses me so that I may be a blessing to others. I want to give like crazy so that God can continue to bless me like crazy and I can continue to bless others like crazy. I want to give up the desire I have for my finances to make sense and submit to God's math that doesn't add up.
Jesus promises in Luke 6 that his math won't always add up, but his blessings for those who give will always be running over. Jesus promises a good return on investing in the kingdom.
37 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."
The opposite, then is also true. Hoard, and it will be hoarded from you. Hold tight to your blessings and blessings will be held tight from you. Refuse to respond to God's grace with more grace, and grace will be no longer given to you.
I don't give solely that God would bless me, but there is blessing simply in the giving also. I give out of recognition that God has given all to me, and I want to give him the first of my fruits. Even though I can never pay him back for all he has done for me, I want to thank him for the debt he has cancelled for my sake. I want to trust him with all I have, and I want the blessings I have been given to be used to bless others.
God loves a cheerful giver, give it all you've got!
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